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Do you have time to C/C my poetry what thoughts do you have please?

Spin radials around
in circles

A grave in the breeze of silver weave

So soft shall I make his
pillow
Alas! , Sweet sweet
What webs I weave

Come withering into my
chamber,
O! close up your stone set
eye’s
Twist and tangle, in silver thread
as I Control you with
a whole harvest of smiles

Now with your speechless
mouth you lay
in my chamber of dew

My web is a work of art
made only for your feeble
heart

So I kiss , and then we part
I’ve embroidered
each web
I’ve spin ed
Twisted
Tangled
each thread
soft shall I make
his pillow
then I , Smile
HH, I’m just laughing my As** off . LOL LOL ….your so cheeky but so sweet .

Thank you to everyone great answers I really do appreciate all your feedback and help I need lots of HELP LOL … Love ye xxx

A tangled web is a phrase used a lot so be careful that one does not get caught in the web of cliche.

Great opening line: “A grave in the breeze of silver weave” In your next stanza I might consider adding ‘sweet, my sweet’ for flow. Your next stanza is weak to me. As to your next, maybe consider for flow: ‘Now, speechless you lay in my chamber of dew’. I think your next stanza again sinks to being weak. As to your ending, maybe drop ‘so’ and go to the next line ‘each web embroidered’ and at the end add ‘and then I, Smile’.

These are my thoughts, but the webbing is yours. Edit well and the weave will be lasting

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