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A poem to be torn apart and spat upon–it’s titled “Dust on Their Brows”?

On their dumb brows sits the dust from two lover’s trysts,
staring wearily out on the scaffolding, appreciating the rare sight,
of bare-backed workers strutting masterfully along their precarious perch, bronze gods amongst the heavens,

From their windows caked with the travesties of precious little
but the sweat from their backs and lips,
the sights of old men in jackets long, fumbling with house keys
and dollar bills, francs, euros, remind their feeble minds
of their frayed cuffs, their soiled bibs.

Such sour lips, such longing gazes!
For Man’s yearnings for freedom from the dank clamminess of eternity
is naught but a blink in time,
in a Parisian countryside.
The weight of infinity rests on their brows…

Interesting: I like what is said but not necessarily how it it is said. Your concluding line word choice “infinity” is antithetic to weight on their brow as it is need to be ephemeral to make sense where infinity is not. The logic is erroneous here, but could br resolved with a word change. If the weight of the dust is upon then now, then the word need to speak to the present existence.

Clamminess of eternity is applicable to death but it is hard for me to see the Concern/worry/apprehension about it as weight of infinity on their brow.

Simply, remarkable development and tone.

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